Muzak

Remember Muzak? That’s the company that sells the music that you hear in stores and offices and elevators and even bathrooms. It’s everywhere! The Muzak people approach employers and guarantee them that, by playing certain types of music, employee productivity will increase. And, if it’s a retail store or restaurant, they can get shoppers to buy more stuff. It’s true. They’ve got the studies to prove it.

Muzak’s been around 80 years so I figure (my studies!) that maybe they got this idea from the seven dwarfs (dwarves?) and that “Whistle While You Work” song. I figure that Doc and Happy and maybe Bashful were already pretty good workers. But music in the workplace made good workers out of Grouchy (unpleasant), Sleepy (apnea), Sneezy (allergies) and Dopey (handicapped).   

And let’s not forget, these guys only stood like 5’3”.