A Chick-fil-A in Every Pot

The popularity of Chick-fil-A is getting out of hand. They of course are closed on Sundays but we saw a line at their drive through on a Sunday a while back. Some poor hungry guy drove up there not knowing they were closed. He sat at the pickup window for a while. (Hopefully he hadn’t given his order into the speaker thing.) So while he was waiting at the closed pickup window another guy pulled in behind him and he waited. Now that’s a popular place!

Meanwhile, KFC struggles. Until they break down and hire Bernie Sanders to play Colonel Sanders, they’re not going to compete. A female Colonel Sanders would help also. Women love chicken.  

Speaking of KFC, I knew a guy who was so poor growing up that his family would go into KFC and lick other people’s fingers. I’m not sure if this was just on Sundays or not.

Holiday Toast

Have you ever noticed how short the cord is on your toaster? We have a construction project going on and our house is in disarray (I can’t find my fall shoes!) and we had to move our toaster into another room temporarily. Well, we love our toaster – it’s a four slice adjustable model. You can adjust the amount of time the bread gets toasted – stuff like that. But its cord is only 15 inches long! What’s up with that? Is Sunbeam afraid I’m going to pull the toaster far enough out on the counter so I DON’T burn the cabinets (not cupboards – cabinets!) up above? What if I’ve got curtains hanging down from the kitchen window? Don’t I want to be able to get away from those?

Can short people even reach these toasters at the back of the kitchen counters? Should we be offering to help them with toast? Have I been insensitive to that all these years?

Beet Treat

Continuing in this summer's meat theme, I was with a bunch of people at lunch today. One woman ordered an Italian Beef sandwich of some sort. She did not have a speech defect that I could detect. She spoke clearly and had good eye contact. But when her food came, the waiter gave her a beet salad. I suppose the waiter’s “f” looked like a “t” and maybe his abbreviation of “sandwich” looked like “salad”. But what a disappointment! I mean, you’re looking forward to some red meet and they come back with red beet. I have to give her credit though. She did not mention it to the waiter and she ate the salad.

I know what you’re thinking here. No, the woman was not overweight and this was not the waiter’s way of telling her to shed a few pounds. C'mon!

Red Light Special

Well, that eclipse was sweet, but recently, I witnessed something even more rare than an eclipse. We witnessed a red light ice cream sale. Yes. This is an extremely rare event. Not only had I not seen it – I had never heard of it. Have you? It works like this: a car and an ice cream truck pull up to a red light. A person jumps out of the car, gets the attention of the ice cream dude, buys ice cream, and gets back in the car – all before the light turns green. The following pieces have to “align” for this to happen:

• The person buying the ice cream must be nimble
• If the buyer is the driver, the car should be in park
• You must have an ice cream dude eager to make a sale
• Correct change is helpful
• Don’t forget to tip
• This will not work on roundabouts.

As an added benefit, this event does not require special glasses. Nor will it leave you blind.   

Total Eclipse of the Head

So, tomorrow is the big eclipse. I assume this is one of those deals where the moon comes between the sun and the earth. Don’t look at it! I can relate to this situation because, believe it or not, I’ve been that moon. Wait. What? You’re asking yourself, how could your Uncle Tommy be the moon? Does he mean The Man in the Moon? Well, let me explain. As many of you know, I play the piano. As with any musician, I rely on light to be able to see my music. I used to play in this place where there was a spotlight shining on the piano from behind me. So, when I played, the spotlight shone brightly on the back of my head, which perfectly blocked its path to my music on the piano. I had become the moon in this solar model. Yes, a total eclipse of the head.

Oh yeah. I can play “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on the piano if the lighting is right.   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us0rPzPm4rY

Weinermobile

Continuing on our summer transportation theme (and also continuing on our recent meat theme), have any of you ever seen the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile going down the highway? I think I saw it once. Well, it turns out it’s not so rare to see it ‘cause there’s like 6 of them. (Do you think this is what gave the pope the idea for the Popemobile? “Hey that guy’s getting some pretty good exposure in that Weinermobile…(in Latin)”).  Regardless, I recently saw a picture of one of the Weinermobiles that had been in an accident. The damage did not appear to be too bad. There was only bun damage. The meat looked OK. That’s really all Oscar Meyer cares about. 

Do you think that when it’s not in use, one of the Oscar Meyer employees gets to drive it home at night? “Herb, you’ve put in a long day here at the plant, why don’t you take the Weinermobile tonight.”