JObama Memories

With their terms coming to a close, I think it’s time to share some Obama-Biden memories. Whether you agreed or not with Obama and Biden politically, they did some cool stuff sometimes.  

I have this friend from Delaware, Joe Biden’s home state. One Saturday when they were both back in Delaware my friend got to participate in a bowling fundraiser that Biden also attended.  He got to talk to Joe. They hit it off well and Joe invited him to split a cheeseburger. How cool is that? I admire the idea of splitting the cheeseburger. Who needs a whole cheeseburger?

Obama has proven to be the opposite. One time he came to our city and the mayor took him to a Coney Island restaurant. The dude ate 2 hot dogs (no ketchup-cool), fries, chili, and a shake. He followed that up with a jumbo dog.  I admire that all his responsibilities as president did not affect his appetite. 

A final Obama thought: The Cubs gave the Obamas 4 lifetime passes to Wrigley Field yesterday. Are you kidding me? Lifetime? He’s only 55 – he’s gonna be around a while. Does this mean he can walk into Wrigley in like the third inning and just point at some seats and the people in those seats have to leave? And do the Cubs know how much this guy can eat? Will he insist on throwing out the “first” ball every game he attends? “Hey, I used to be president. Give me the %&@# ball! I don’t care if it’s the third inning.”  

Doctor Nose Best

What’s with having the “N” in ENT? Plenty of things can go wrong with the ear and the throat, but does anybody ever go to the ENT for their nose? Have I missed out on nose cleanings? Strep nose? Swimmer’s nose? Are there smelling aids? To me, the nose seems like a pretty healthy organ. “How you feeling, Phil?” “My nose hurts again.” No. You just never hear that. When I was young kids would occasionally shove things up their nose. Do they still do that? I don’t think so. Kids have so much stuff to do now with video games and the internet. When I was a kid, you’d get bored and shove something up your nose maybe to see if you could get it to come out the other nostril. But today, the ENT’s don’t have to deal with that, I don’t think.

And yet, the “N” stays in their name. I blame Spielberg. Nobody wants to be associated with that weird E.T. dude.    

Trickle Down Home Economics

It’s been brought to our attention here at Uncle Tommy’s that there is a growing problem at senior living facilities across our fine nation. We’ve heard from reliable sources that more and more seniors are bringing their pet dogs with them to live in the senior centers. This unfortunately has resulted in seniors being bitten in hallways or at least having to dodge aggressive pets. And, as you know, some of these folks aren’t very mobile. There have also been occurrences reported of dogs urinating on upper floor decks. This, of course, leads to the “trickle down” effect, which typically affects those living down below. No, not the Australians.  (We're not talking Dingos here.) I’m talking about the people living on the levels below these problem pets. This is irritating to say the least and it’s certainly not how I want to spend my “golden” years.

Well the solution starts in Washington. You read that right. Trump should install a “no pets” policy for the White House when he and his wife and little Baron move in. I mean, c’mon. It’s the White House! The presidential palace. It is too nice for pets. Set an example for the people. No need for pets there. Little Baron is enough for me.   

Pence Fence

The Mexifence is on everyone’s mind these days. Has Trump considered invisible fencing on the Mexican Border? My neighbors had that in their yard for their husky and it worked great. That dog never got out. It’s not cheap to put one of those systems in but it’s gotta be cheaper than that big wall. Now that I think this through though, wouldn't this concept require each Mexican citizen to wear a collar to prohibit him or her from crossing the electric fence? I don’t think that would go over well. Well, maybe we need the inverse of that, where you couldn’t cross the fence UNLESS you had on the collar. Maybe that would work. I’m sure the Army Core of Engineers can figure it out.

A bonus to this plan is that the invisible fence will keep Mexico’s animals out. Do we really need more chihuahuas or burros here in the states?

Polar Bear Plunge

One local new years’ tradition (around here at least) is to take a brief swim in our polluted river on New Year’s Day. It’s called The Polar Bear Plunge or something like that. 100 people of all ages turned out this year.  Here are a couple of “cold” observations:

• ·        Some people turn out to honor the founder of this event who is dead. Imagine that. The guy who invented swimming in the polluted river on January 1^st died. I never thought that would happen.
  ·        The river is not clean enough to swim in during the summer. Is cold water cleaner than warm water? Do the pollutants and the germs freeze?
  ·        Some guys leave their shirts on when they “plunge”. While that’s likely appreciated by many onlookers, I don’t think that’s going to improve anything health-wise.
  ·        One guy went in and out of the water 5 times yesterday trying to set some kind of one day record. Huh-uh. Only one time per year counts.
  ·        That cool old diver guy from the AT&T commercial was not there.
  ·        The fire department was there with the rescue boat. Seriously? Might it be cheaper to have the police there and just prevent the swim? That would make too much sense.
  
  

If I were to have participated, would the “plunge” count as exercise on my new diet program?