New Guidelines

Is it me or does it seem like there are more three legged dogs than there used to be? Maybe they’re just getting out more - I’ve seen a couple of them this summer. I think there needs to be some unwritten rules for this growing segment of the population:

•        No staring. 
•     No pointing.
  
•        No pictures. 
•     No videos and especially no videos to America's Funniest Home Videos.
  
•       If their owners park in a handicapped spot but don’t have a handicapped pass, let it go.
•       If the dog bites you, let it go. Don’t say anything.

I hope this helps.

 

St. Bernard

I was in a meeting Friday where this woman went on (not quite on and on) about her St. Bernard’s birthday. She showed us a picture. He’s a fine looking dog. I of course asked her if they celebrated all seven of the dog’s birthdays each year – she looked at me as if I was crazy.

I’ve always wondered about St. Bernard and how a dog breed got named after him. Was he a guy who helped dogs? Was he a guy who was nominated for sainthood but didn’t quite get the votes? Did some bishop or cardinal on the panel say something like, “Look, it’s late, we’ve been talking about this guy all night, he didn’t get the votes, he's not gonna be a saint, so let's name something after him and get this meeting over with.” I’m thinking that had to be it.

Now I gotta figure out this Jack Russell guy.

 

Popeye's

I’ve never eaten at Popeye’s. I’ve got nothing against Popeye’s. It just hasn’t happened. It strikes as odd though that Popeye’s would be a chicken place when the Popeye cartoons featured that J Wellington Wimpy guy who always had a hamburger. Yeah, I get it that Wellington is beef and it wasn’t Popeye eating the hamburger. But if you’re watching Popeye and you get hungry, you’re gonna want a burger, not chicken. Hindsight’s 20/20, but if I had to name a chicken restaurant after a cartoon I think I would call it Foghorn Leghorn’s, after that big rooster guy. (Or does that sound like it’s just serving drumsticks and thighs?)

To tie in better with the cartoon, a nice touch for Popeye's would be to put some spinach on the chicken sandwich. And maybe provide a chicken fried in Olive Oil option. Is that asking too much?

 

Another One Rides the Bus

Well, it’s September, the kids are back in school and I’m seeing the yellow buses everywhere. These kids today have it made. When I was young you had to be tough to ride the bus.

•  The buses today actually stop to pick up the kids. They just slowed down for us to get on or off. Picture hopping a train.
•   The buses today have seats.
•  The buses today stop at rail crossings. We were tougher then – the trains stopped for the bus.
•  The buses today stop at red lights.
•  The buses today are heated. The only heat we had was from the bad kids lighting their cigarettes. Or you stood close to the driver ‘cause she smoked. 
• The prisons get their own bus now
  

These kids today have it made.

 

Junior Achievement

Continuing our theme of birth order, this reminded me of an old post when I discussed why my wife and I did not name either of our boys Tom Jr. One of the main reasons - and I think this still may happen - is that I thought a school might get named after me (or one of my sons) someday. At least it was in the back of my mind. If it's an elementary school, I don't see a problem. But if it's a junior high or high school, be careful. Take Ken Griffey Sr. for instance. Pretty good baseball player, right? But if someone names a junior high after him it would be called Ken Griffey Jr High School. Now see, that sounds to me like it is named after his son, Ken Griffey Jr. But if it WAS named after his son, would it then be Ken Griffey Jr Jr High School? In the same vein, a Sr High School could never be named after Jr because then you'd have Ken Griffey Jr High School. You'd hear conversations at graduation like, "I don't understand, Marge. You told me Ronnie was graduating from high school. He's 19."

I guess the answer would have been to name him Ken Quincy Griffey.

 

Feel Like a Number?

My former staffer told me recently about a baby named Ivy. I thought that was a nice name and of course asked if she, being named Ivy, was a fourth child. This led me to compile the following list of baby names based on birth order

First Child – Junior or Jan(uary)

Second - Deuce

Third - Tre, or Gale Sayers (his book was "I am Third")

Fourth – See above (IV (do I need to explain these?)) + Quadry

Fifth - Quint, Vee, or Jim Beam

Sixth –Vi

Seventh – Steven – just insert the “t”, or Lucky

Eighth - Augie, Henry, Edeighth

Ninth – Nina or Nino

Tenth – Tennyson

Eleventh – Evelyn or Elvin

I see where Elvin Hayes, the former Houston Rocket, is finally getting his number retired. That is WAY overdue. I assume he was #11…