The Shield

I love bacon. But it’s a mess to prepare it, isn’t it? Yeah, you can microwave it (meh), but for best results you really gotta fry it. It’s best not to wear clothes you care about when you fry it, because eventually you’re gonna get splattered with hot grease. My kids grew up hearing their father yell “I’m hit!” when frying bacon.

Well, we now have a brand new kitchen. I’ve not fixed bacon in it yet and I’m not anxious to get grease all over the new counter tops. But we have all kinds of empty cardboard boxes around from the construction project. So I’ve been thinking: What about creating a cardboard shield for protecting the kitchen as well as the chef from splattering bacon grease? This shield would consist of a folded sheet of cardboard which would cover the open area on each side of the stove and come around the front as well. The shield would have arm holes for the chef as well as holes for the eyes.

The shield would preserve your clothes, eliminate the painful second degree burns, and keep your counter tops and floor clean. The TV commercial would show the “before” scenario (burn unit looking guy wearing old clothes yelling “I’m hit!”) and the “after” scenario (whistling guy with no burns wearing a suit using the shield). I think this would sell like, well, hot cakes.