Choosy Mothers

Have you seen all the peanut butter flavored beers out there? It’s crazy. I doubt if I can expand on what’s out there, but I’ll try. Here are some peanut butter beers we’d like to see:

•          PBR – Step aside Pabst Blue Ribbon. PBR now stands for peanut butter
•          PPPBR – Peter Pan Pabst Blue Ribbon
•          Jiffy Beer – Peanut flavored beer designed to accompany Jiffy Pop. The height of the can expands as it chills.
•          Skippy Porter – I don’t know what this might be but I’ve always loved the word “Skippy”
•          IPPPA – India Peter Pale Pan Ale

I’d like to throw out a couple of peanut butter beer tee shirt ideas as well:

•          Peanut Butter: It’s not just for beer any more!
•          Choosy mothers choose peanut butter beer!

 

 

Costco VII

As a fairly new grandfather with a visiting granddaughter, I was given the task of picking up some diapers at Costco recently. Yeah, I’m a member. Needing only one item, I went in without a cart. Big mistake. Diapers at Costco come in these huge packs and I was doing all I could to haul those things back to the cashier. They were so heavy and bulky that I didn’t have a free hand to try any free food samples…

I was hungry by the time I found the diapers ‘cause I had searched the whole store looking for them. Am I the only person who thinks that diapers should be by the toilets? But no, they weren't there. That would make way too much sense...

 

The Dirty Dozen

I bought a dozen donuts at the bakery last Saturday. This guy who waited on me didn’t seem to be having his best day. I told him I wanted a dozen assorted donuts and then I proceeded to tell him what the assortment should be. That likely started us out on the wrong foot. I picked out a few and then asked him how many we had done so far. “Four”, he replied, sounding like that may have been the lowest number anybody had been at when they asked how many they had so far. So yeah, he wasn’t happy ‘cause I had said “assorted” when in reality I was dictating what the “assortment” had to be. And he wasn’t happy that I had asked for the progress count at four.  

When I got home I opened the box of donuts, and found a chocolate donut in the box upside down, with the frosting smashed into the cardboard box. Was that guy vindictive? Maybe. But I’m going to give him the benefit of doubt and reason that maybe that bakery sells a lot of pineapple upside down cake and maybe he’s picked up some habits.  Yeah.    

 

Shingle Family

My wife and I were driving to dinner last night when the Paul McCartney song “Helen Wheels” came on the radio. It’s a song about their SUV, their Land Rover which they affectionately named “Helen Wheels". I’ve never been much for that song so “we” changed the station. Later in the evening we were texting with our kids and our son, who was familiar with the restaurant, mentioned one of the entrees there which he described as “Hell on Wheels”. How crazy is that?

Well, believe it or not, I can top that. A couple of weeks ago I got my first Shingles vaccine. (It must be working ‘cause I don’t have it yet.) When I came home from work that night our neighbors were getting a new roof. That's right. You can’t make this stuff up.

It looks like we have the makings of one crazy summer coming up! I can't wait!

 

Must be Fanta! Must be Fanta!

We were waiting in the airport for a delayed flight last month. After a while, a woman sitting near us asked me to watch her carry-on bag. I said sure, thinking she’d be back soon. I wasn’t going anywhere. But she didn’t come back right away. Finally, after 35 minutes, she came back with a half drank Fanta Pineapple soda. So yeah, I thought about what I would do if I was asked to do this in the future. The options would include:

•          Say yes. See above. It could be a while.
•         Say no. Then you have to move ‘cause it would be awkward being near her when she got back. And, what if her seat is next to yours on the plane? Yikes!
•        Say yes, but set a time limit. This sounds cold.
•        Say yes, but only if she brings you back a bottle of Fanta Pineapple soda.

I think the fourth option is the way to go here. You can't get Fanta Pineapple on the plane. I know, 'cause I always ask for it.

 

Not Today

I like getting gas at Costco. Yeah, I’m a member. Today Costco had a woman walking from pump to pump carrying a bucket and asking for donations to a charity of Costco’s choice. People have their wallets out already. I get that.  Not a bad strategy I thought. Clever. But with gas being $4.79 a gallon? Not a chance. Poor woman. I doubt if she had much success today. Maybe if she danced or juggled or something…

I heard one person respond “Not today”.  Man, that’s a tired response isn’t it? People have been using that my whole life.  And typically with that response you get the mouth only smile, where the rest of their face doesn’t smile…

My response at Costco today should have been, “These pumps are “card only”. I don’t have any cash.” C’mon Costco. Card only pumps but you want cash donations? Can’t have it both ways, Costco…