Three Ring Telephone Call

The Detroit Lions have only won one game this year. They're bad. But they’re not the worst lions this year. Or any year. The worst lions would be those lions in the circus who lose every day, and sometimes multiple times per day. These poor lions have gone from being the King of the Jungle to the joke of the circus. They have what may be the worst job and most predictable act in the circus: losing to that fancy dressed lion tamer with his little chair and whip every show. How did these lions sink to this boring level? No one respects these lions anymore. They’re the Washington Generals of the animal kingdom. (The Generals of course are that hapless team the Globetrotters beat every night.) What’s wrong with these lions? Are they like the most overrated animal or what? And where are the animal rights people in all this? Shouldn't they be attempting to remove this pitiful act from the circus and let these beasts recover their pride? 

Since these lions are too tame (or whatever is wrong with them) to be turned loose in the jungle, I think the circus should be responsible for their rehab - they need to find other positions for them within the circus. Some possible roles would be:

• The “FLion’ Trapeze 
•   Reverse roles with the tamer dude. The tamer has to attack the lion and the lion whips him. He’s due.

I’m gonna go with option two. And I think PETA would back me on that. Somebody ring Mr. Ringling.